The ABC's of BetterJNel

I never realized on how attached I was to my iPhone until I did not have it.  My phone died on me Saturday night.  Thanks to AppleCare I will have my phone by Wednesday.  Due to my careless this AM, I forgot to set my regular alarm (instead of relaying on my phone alarm) and overslept my training sessions.  This has caused a significant off balance all day long!  

My online friends came to the rescue as Karen at www.karenlovestorun.com tagged me the ABC of me  post.  It was great to get to know my online friends in a different matter.  So here we go....

A. Attached or Single? Attached to my domestic partner, Josh, for 4+ years.  

Josh, My Guy

B. Best Friend? Josh & Jennifer (my sorority little sis)

C. Cake or pie? Vanilla Cake

D. Day of choice? Friday: Due to my work schedule, this is my first day of my weekend so I get to mark tons of my list!  It is a truly a "Jennifer" day as Josh works on Fridays so I am able to get everything I need done.

E. Essential Item? My phone (as I am learning this week)

F. Favorite color? Silver, but I do wear a lot of pink these days (#sweatpink)

G. Gummy bears or worms? Neither!  Gummies hurt my jaw. Rock Candy!

H. Home town? Even if I was born in Iowa, I consider my hometown as Quincy, IL as I lived there from 2 years old to 18 years old.

I. Favorite Indulgence? A southern tea: long island iced tea with peach

J. January or July? January as it is my birthday month!!!  (But last year, I may July my birthday month as well)

Dolce & Chanel

K. Kids? Furry kids: Dolce (dog), Chanel (dog), Godiva (cat), and Turbo (step dog)

L. Life isn’t complete without? Family and a good book

M. Marriage date? Passing on this question...

N. Number of brothers/sisters? 1 older brother, Todd

O. Oranges or Apples? Apple.  

P. Phobias? Being off the ground (like more then two feet freaks me out), snakes, and sedatives 

Our recent Bike Night/Date Night

Q. Quotes? You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching; Love like you'll never be hurt; Sing like there's nobody listening; And live like it's heaven on Earth" - William Purkey  

R. Reasons to smile? Date Night/Bike Nights with Josh

S. Season of choice?  Spring.  Excited to see all the new growth and having warmer days

T. Tag 5 People  @annicanicole @missriki7 @FromFattyTo @thinfluence @holleyjollyk

U. Unknown fact about me? Washington DC is my favorite city.  I have all the metro stops memorized.  The city energizes me!

V. Vegetable? Spinach

W. Worst habit? Burping

X. Xray or Ultrasound? Had my fair share of both.  Xrays are quicker!

Y. Your favorite food?  Kraft Mac & Cheese (not clean eating, once a year treat)

Z. Zodiac sign? Capicorn 

Facing a Former Fat Girl Fear

While there are a lot of great benefits of having a significant other, the benefit of having access to a neighborhood pool sometimes outweighs those typically dating benefits.  It is great to have someone to hang out with, someone to laugh with, someone to hug you...but having access to a pool during the summer is amazing.  Starting from the time the pool opens, every weekend, my mission is to get to the pool.  

I already overcome the fear of wearing the swimsuit last year as the body I have might not be perfect,

Pool Selfie

but I have worked hard to get to this body!  This was especially in my mindset after I finished a 5k on Saturday and then heading to the pool afterwards.  Being that it was a neighborhood pool and the weekend, the majority of swimmers were children.  

Spending time at the pool brings back childhood memories biking up daily to our neighborhood pool with my two friends, Erin & Erin.  The pool opened at 11 AM, and we were there.  Hanging out in the four different pools the swim club had until 5 PM when our parents were heading home from work.  Having swim lessons early in my youth, I was very comfortable swimming in the deep end, flipping off the edge of the pool, and going off the diving board.

As my weight increased and my activity level decreased, my freedom around a pool decreased. When we traveled or I had access to a pool, I would not get into the water even as I craved to.  The thoughts of others saying something about my size, my weight, or worse, calling me a "whale" was always in the back of my head.  So here I found myself on Saturday at the neighborhood pool embracing another fat girl fear.  There are certain things in which as a larger person, I used to avoid: sitting in a booth, getting in an elevator after people who can feel the increase weight, eating in public, and getting on the diving board.  

The neighborhood kids were all gone, and it was just the lifeguard, my boyfriend, and I at the pool around 5 PM.  The diving board was calling out to me.  I have been watching the neighborhood kids jump off during the day with no fear.  Knowing the last time I was on a diving board was before my teen years, I wanted to do it.  

I walked over and stepped up to the board.  Then...that fear set in.  What if I slip?  What if the board does not bounce?  What if I make a huge splash showing my size?  What if I weigh too much and break the board?  This diving board is just a foot off the ground.  But to me, it was me overcoming 20 years of pushing aside my desires because of my weight.

Not knowing what was going on in my head, the boyfriend became increasing frustrated as I kept getting on and off the diving board.  He proceed to get on the board and jump in without a thought.  I followed him by getting back on the board and walking out again to the edge of the board.  I checked with the teenage lifeguard that he would be able to save me if anything happened.  

Then I plugged my nose and stepped out over the edge...screaming the whole way until I hit the water.

I immediately pushed myself up to the top of the pool and started giggling above the water.  There are moments in my journey in which I say goodbye to the former me and embraced the new me.  This was one of those moments.  I laughed because I remembered how I was able to overcome those barriers in which I put in front of me.  

And just like I was as kid, I immediately got back out of the pool and proceeded to jump off the diving board for the next 30 minutes...screaming and laughing the whole time.  

Happy Birthday Electra Daisy!

Through out this journey to health, I have mini-goals and rewards along the way.  Last year, to buy a bike and start riding again.  When I was younger, I remember I was always on my bike.  I would be riding with my two best neighborhood friends up to the pool.  I even remember challenging myself and riding the 6 miles to my voice lessons or to my church.

Bike riding was something as I got older, I was always envious of those who did ride.  Because of my weight, i never imafined me fitting on the seat.  I imagined myself weighting down the bike where the wheels would flatten.  Knowing biking is a great form of "fun exercise", I had a goal weight I wanted to obtain prior to getting to that bike.   

While I was just short of that goal, the perfect bike came up on craigslist.  After @HLASpringfield Yoga on at the Square session last June, Josh, my partner, called me about an Electra Daisy in which he found online.  Now Electra's are the perfect cruiser for just a casual bike rider.  I went to the see the bike that afternoon.  While I did not have the money for the Electra, I put at the best offer, and it was accepted.  

My Electra Daisy got customized by Josh with a matching back rack, baskets with flowers, and even a customized nameplate tank.  Last summer, I rode the bike everywhere..to the Farmer's Market, out to eat, riding to workout, even to the St. Louis Arch.  I have become skilled rider in traffic as well as trails around Springfield.  There is sometime to say about having a super cute bike, you want to ride it all the super cute time.  

Our bike riding adventures have continued as we transitioned to a full bike riding couple.  Beyond the Daisy, I am the happy owner of two other bikes: Globe Specialized and a converted Electra into a customized Hello Kitty bike.  We strive to have weekly date bike nights where we base our activities where we can ride.  In the fall, we do the ultimate vacation by biking the Katy Trail!

When I reflect back on my last year of biking, I would never imagine that I would have been doing this two years ago.  I would never thought I would look outside on a summer day and think to myself "I can't wait to bike/run/walk".  I guess that is why I am a better me!

This is Me...Now

That was me then/This is me now

Looking back on my first 32 years, I realized at this moment, I am living the best part of my life.  There is nothing at this moment in which I am not blessed with.  Of course, there are always areas for improvements...but I am so amazed on where I am at.

I am in better health then what I was when I was thirteen.  

Most people strive to get to their weight in high school.  Being an overweight child/teenager/adult, I have never knew anything expect obese.  While I am unsure where I am at compared to the numbers, I can tell by the clothes.  All of my formal dresses from high school hang on me.  So I am thinking I am the size of the former 7th grade version of me.  But that is not all....

I eat a better balance diet in which I NEVER did before.  

There was not a two day span in which I would be able to recall in which I did not have some type of fast food item as the former self.  There was never any cooking at home and most of my food consist of sugar/carb/sugar/fried/sugar!  Fruits and veggies are now a main staple in my life.  I love to make different versions of a protein shake.  And while I am still not the cook, I found someone who will cook for me!

I am in better shape then I have ever been...EVER. 

I would try to find any reason to get out of gym class in middle school even when we were bowling.  Of course, the horrible thoughts of the Presidential Fitness test made me get the "stomach flu".  Walking more then three blocks to the bus caused me to get winded.  As my mom even commented on it the other day when I mentioned my half marathon goal as the fact in which I would never get off the couch when I was younger.   Now, I am lifting weights, doing yoga, walking, interval running...I get excited when I get to work out in my full stocked home gym.  Where is that Presidential Fitness test now?

I am in the best relationship of my life...with myself.  

Even before all the physical changes, I came to terms of who I am and what my reality is.  I stopped trying to overachieve to make people like me.  I stopped making excuses on why the world is against me.  I stopped doing counteractive things in which caused me frustrations.  I started to love myself.  Even at 400 pounds, I loved who I was.  Embracing myself caused me to want to improve myself.  I love myself that I want to be around me as long as possible. 

I am in love with the best support person for me.  

Okay, yes..I was one of those girls who said "If only I was skinny, a guy would love me."  If only this or if only that.  Again, when I started to love myself, someone else noticed that.  I love having Josh on my support team.  He never saw my size.  (It is true..I showed him the comparison picture in which he said he has always seen me like I am today). He has done everything in which he needed to for me to accomplish everything above.

So as my journey continuous, I hope you follow me as I continue on working on me.  Thanks for all of the support to get me where I am at now.